Categorized | Heard In The Houses

Heard in the Houses

Posted on 19 September 2010 by John Rippo

Some guys just don’t get it: Guy dazzled by a blonde beauty at Rebecca’s tries to say something, anything, to catch her eye, and fails. Tries again, only to be told by blonde’s girlfriend that the blonde is taken— by her. Guy doesn’t understand; speaks again to blonde who finally tells him, in loud, pidgin English: “I am gay. No like guys. No like you. Get lost now!” Guy wanders off toward the Whistle Stop.

Had a magnificent espresso at El Shaddai, on South 43rd for only FIFTY CENTS! You read that right; 50 cents for a single!

Woman walks into Santos, looks at coffees available and asks “Which coffee is most like Starbucks?” Barista was dumbfounded; woman bought coffee anyway.

Meltdown at Cream—Guy opens laptop, checks email and learns his paramour has broken up with him. Tries to act cool but his sudden, sharp contortions, gasps, tears and bolting out the door ruffle others’ feathers. Two hours later, he’s still punching air on the corner as his laptop battery runs out of juice. Eventually, the laptop fades to black, the coffee grows cold and the guy walks around the block for the twentieth or thirtieth time.

A couple sat one evening at Carpe Diem, chatting about their military service. He was a helicopter mechanic, returned from Iraq; she was a machine gunner in a helicopter there. They told war stories about shooting people from helicopters in Iraq that got them odd, pointed looks from several others in the place.
The new Filter opened at University and Richmond Streets. This place has wide open walls that face the corner. A group of women got their drinks and sat facing the street in the huge doorway to watch the show go by; reveling in their leading-edge seats. This lasted only a short while before the charm wore off. When the first one mentioned that she was cold, they all beelined deep into the interior of the new coffeehouse.
It never ceases to amaze better classes when peasants act out: A group of Argentines sat discussing their team’s loss at soccer at Cup o’Joe. Their Spanish conversation brought out rude comments from nearby Ugly Americans who told them to go back to Mexico. The Argentines told the Yanks to go back to their own planet, STF up and leave them alone. Since there were eight Argentines and two Dweebs, the matter ended there—fortunately.

Drive thru dilemma at Better Buzz: Walt and Marcia recently moved to PB, where Marcia goes through withdrawal daily as Walt takes her to Better Buzz on the way to where they work instead of supporting Sbux—which is where Marcia always gets her coffee. Marcia tried to order her fave drink at BB using Sbux lingo and was calmly, politely translated back to English by the patient, sweet-voiced barista. Flustered, frustrated Marcia finally calmed down when she got her caffein. YT thinks she must love Walt a lot to put up with this kind of thing. So does Walt.

Even though the war on tobacco is all but won, there are still some brave holdouts against the split of coffee and the demon weed. Tabac had a full house of outdoor tables smoking cigars as YT passed it one day, and Liberty Tobacco is looking to finally add a coffee cart to its lineup so that its clients can gloriously marinate in two addictions instead of just one. Even Racine & Laramie which has wasted a decade wondering if there’s a link between coffee and tobacco seems to have finally discovered West Bean Coffee Roasters.

OB is the scene of a growing battle between scruffy, slacker youth out for spare change from whomever they can intimidate it from and everyone else. Some riff raff has learned to stay away from several of the coffeehouses (which we won’t name) that have run said people off with baseball bats, dumped hot water on aggressive panhandlers or in one case, shot a dog that some fool was using to threaten people. YT thinks it shooting the dog was entirely too cruel—shooting the fool using it as a weapon would have been better.
Con Pane fled the corner of Rosecrans and Cañon Streets and is now at Liberty Station. Their landlord has been foreclosed on and now the building sits empty, waiting for another café bakery to take its place.

2 Comments For This Post

  1. Gene Says:

    THANKS!. I heard the interview on NPR this morning. Intrigued I Googled your paper and have been reading Espresso since. It’s a good thing I work from home as I don’t think my employer would appreciate how I’m spending my time this morning. Now, if I could find a good coffee house in N. Las Vegas I might be tempted to telecommute to my home office from there. I’ve enjoyed the morning. Thanks again.

  2. Fernando Iturburu Says:

    i listened npr this morning. and immediately liked your stories (mini-frescoes). this is journalism, this is literature, great stuff with the simplicity of a classic. congrats!

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